July 9th, 2010

Pamper Pack for a Rape Victim

by michelle

handbags

Each and every one of you is affected by rape.

As I write this, my heart beats faster, my palms sweat.  It’s unexpected.  I thought that having dealt with my own experience of rape and spoken and written about it over so many years, this would be more of the same.  It isn’t.

Because I want to bring home to you that YOU, yes you, as you read this, are affected by rape.  If not through knowing a victim, then by way of the shameful statistics in this country.

If you don’t know me personally, or don’t know, or know of, someone who has been through the horror, then you have a daughter, a sister, a mother whom you worry about. YOU ARE TOUCHED BY RAPE.

  • South Africa has the highest instances of (reported) rape in the world!
  • 75% of (reported) rape in South Africa is gang rape.
  • 41% of those (reported) raped are under the age of 12.
  • In Meadowlands, Soweto, police say 90 percent of rape in that community is against children younger than 12.
  • In 2004, 50% of cases before the South African courts were for rape (National Prosecuting Authority)
  • It is estimated that only 1 in 20 rapes is ever reported! 
    (statistics supplied by nationmaster.com, sundayindependent.co.za and
the Centre for the Study of Violence and Reconciliation)

We’ve all heard these statistics over and over again.  As a society, we’ve become complacent.  It’s easier to distance ourselves, after all, rape has become a part of daily news broadcasts and talk show chats, but what you may not know is:

Besides the pain of having to relay exactly the details of what happened to her, and the indignity of having to submit to an intimate physical examination, rape survivors have to leave their panties and whatever else they are wearing (e.g. shorts, jeans, skirt etc) with the District Surgeon.

Last year, the Jes Foord Foundation in Durban started the Handbag Project.  This has been a huge success and after having spoken to Jes, I have decided that Soul Circle will take up this project in Gauteng.

We are putting together Pamper Packs for rape survivors.  We are asking you for good condition handbags/backpacks  (i.e. one you no longer use or one you may have received as a gift but will never use.) Not only ladies handbags, but children’s and men’s backpacks too, as it is not only women who are raped.

The bags will be given to the survivors and will contain different products that have been identified by trauma staff as what they are most in need of, including panties, feminine hygiene products, toothpaste, tooth brushes, hair brushes, clips, deodorant, face clothes, hand towels, soap, body lotion, shampoo, lip ice, a snack (granola bar, energy bar etc.) juice, notepad and pen.

Jes also suggested a little gift e.g. when Mr Price has their sales, buy some earrings, a bracelet or whatever you feel would be a ‘light’ at this awful time.

Anything to make them feel special!

For children you can include:

  • Nappies
  • Small cuddly toy
  • Bubble bath

As per Jes Foord’s original project, THE MOST IMPORTANT FEATURE IN THIS HANDBAG IS:

Please would each of you write a note to the survivor. It can be a few words or an essay but something from your heart to theirs.

For example, even if you write something like “No matter what has happened you are special, and please don’t let anyone take that away from you. You can, and will, get through this. There are so many people who really care and will help you gain your strength. This gift is given to you with love from (your name)”.

When you are at your lowest, just receiving the bag with all the goodies, a simple gift, can give you hope, and hope is a fundamental step in recovery.

Give as much or as little as you are able, even if it’s a single, sample bottle of shampoo.  Every little bit helps and the bags will be made up from everyone’s donations.

Anyone who can help with the pamper packs can contact me via email or on 082 828 2565, or drop donations off at my office, weekdays between 08h30 and 12h30

Virago Consulting
16 Sunrise Centre
Cnr van Riebeek Ave and Hendrick Potgieter
Edenvale

Please forward this on to anyone you think can help, via email, social networks or blogging.

CategoryAccountability and responsibility, Soul Circle | Comment4 Comments »

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June 29th, 2010

Soul Circle

by michelle

Photo courtesy of <br>Gordon Robertson

Photo courtesy of Gordon Robertson

In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. ~  Mother Teresa

We all want to get involved in our communities and in our country.  We all want to help those less fortunate.  There are charities we want to support and organisations we want to volunteer at, church groups we mean to join and campaigns we want to fight for… one day…when we have time.

We want to donate money for good causes, but the insidious nature of corruption stops us.  How do we know what will happen to the money we have given?  Will it get to the people who really need it?  We’re told not to give to beggars and street people, but many do. Why?  Because they can see where their money is going – and then the recent Carte Blanche expose on the ‘renting’ of children to increase begging revenue sent shockwaves through our communities and those with charitable hearts have become embittered and cynical.

So what can we do?

I am launching Soul Circle as part of Tactile Soul, for those of us who want to become involved, but don’t have the time to visit hospitals, march for human rights or work in a soup kitchen.

What is Soul Circle?

The concept is simple, without bureaucracy, and will hopefully be founded on the generosity of friends and (extended) family.  I will not be accepting monetary donations initially- setting up a formal institution will take months and much red tape – instead I will be choosing individual projects which we can all get involved in with the minimum of time (that illusive thing that slips so easily through our fingers) and the maximum of impact.

While every gift of charity is beneficial, a collective effort is truly significant.  You will be part of a gift that is larger than most can contribute individually.  Your donation will provide a direct and meaningful benefit to an individual or an organisation.

I will provide feedback for each and every project on this website so that you are able to be able to witness the impact of your generosity. (The first project will be posted by the end of the week – subscribe via email on the top right hand side of the page to receive updates)

I also welcome any suggestions of specific projects that you would like us to become involved with or any circumstances that you think we can positively influence.

Together we can make a real difference!

I Want To Make a Difference!
Email:
 


For Email Newsletters you can trust

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June 27th, 2010

Challenge Yourself, You Can Be Exceptional!

by michelle

exceptionalMost people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. ~ Mary Kay Ash

The mantra of Tactile Soul is “Challenge Yourself! You Can Be Exceptional!” Challenging yourself is a mindset.  It requires you to think outside of your comfort zone, to look at the world from a different perspective.  By necessity you have to embrace what is “different” and open your mind to diversity.

Society, particularly South African society, imposes many preconceptions on what it is to be a woman. We are defined by so many different roles that it is sometimes difficult to reconnect to the woman within.

This blog began as a belated spin off to a web site I put together almost ten years ago, World of Women, which served as a resource site for women.

The core theme of this blog has evolved over the last two years from my own journey of reconnecting to my “self” into a deep seated passion to quench the apathy of women (and men) towards the status that society continues to impose upon us.

Two of the fundamental pillars upon which we can grow are accountability and responsibility.  It is important to understand that we, alone, are accountable for the way in which we are treated.  By our friends, our husbands, our children, our co-workers.  How do we allow people to treat us?  The first step to moving forward and growing is to accept responsibility for the way in which we are treated.

Take a look at the women you know.  Many of them are “just getting by”.  We live in a culture of extreme complacence and persistently low standards.  Few of us do more than the bare minimum, that which is absolutely necessary.  Yet without effort and challenge there is only stagnation.

The third pillar upon which we can grow is something that is widely recognised to be a strength particular to women.  Relationships.  In order to institute change, we, as women (and the men who love us), need to do more than oppose the cultural norms that define our society.  We need to create a counter culture, one which is built on a refusal to be defined by the norms of a society that feeds on our complacence.

We can do this by building relationships.  By supporting one another, urging one another to achieve, offering encouragement and guidance, and challenging one another to do more and to be more.

That is what I hope to achieve with Tactile Soul.  To build a community of women (men welcome too) who are committed to grow and to change the social norms, to hold ourselves accountable to a higher standard than that which has become accepted, not only for ourselves, but for the societies of women that surround us.

During the course of the next week I will be launching Soul Circle which I hope will provide an opportunity for us to become involved in making a difference in the lives of those who need a helping hand.  I invite you to join me and to help spread the word.  Subscribe by e-mail (on the top right of the page) to receive updates.

CategoryAccountability and responsibility, Challenge Yourself, Personal Growth, Relationships | Comment2 Comments »

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June 6th, 2010

Practice Motherhood!

by michelle

stressedI figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job.~ Roseanne

You all know my thoughts on motherhood, both the good and the bad.  It’s a hard, and mostly thankless, job with long hours and no pay.  I’m not saying it doesn’t have it’s rewards, but those are intangible and not really much comfort when you’re in crisis mode and feeling unappreciated. Add to this “mother guilt”.  Yes, that’s the guilt that was birthed together with your little darling/s.  It’s the voice that berates you for feeling that you want to run away to an island where children are taboo.

Gordon said to me a few weeks ago as I was trying not to burn the dinner, scanning through the e-mails I hadn’t managed to get to yet, and being the homework helper, “You don’t always have to be perfect you know.”  I was startled out of my industrious attempt at calling out spelling words between sips of much needed Johnnie Walker – who said I couldn’t multi task?

His comment made me pause long enough to agree that yes, I DON’T have to be perfect.  If a doctor, who spent in excess of 7 years studying for his profession is only practicing, then how, in all honesty can you and I be expected to be perfect mothers?  Besides, there’s no such thing as a perfect mother, and if you meet any woman who thinks she is, I guarantee she has a full time nanny in her employ.

So, having contemplated my lack of perfection, and having had great success with the strike I called a while ago – yes, I went on strike, I posted a list of grievances and demands on the fridge and retired to my bedroom to read a book.  No cooking, no cleaning, no washing, and best of all, no negotiation – I thought I’d share with you the lessons we should all have mastered before embarking on this journey.

  1. There is no such thing as a perfect mother.  Really, trust me, you’re doing a great job as you are.
  2. You do not have to do everything for everyone.  Children of ALL ages should have chores, and the younger they understand what is expected of them, the better.  The older they get, the more responsibility they should take.
  3. 3. It’s okay to be selfish.  You should not put yourself last on the list, you have a life too.  One of my favourite motherhood quotes is by Dr Phil McGraw (http://drphil.com) “If you love your daughter so much, why don’t you take better care of her mother?”
  4. Saying ‘no’ to your children is ALWAYS an option. As in, “No, you are not going out on Friday night, I have plans with MY friends.”  You do not have to be on standby to fetch and carry, you do not have to buy yet another pair of shoes/shirt/ice-cream.

So, fellow mother’s in practice, learn to delegate and put your needs first once in a while, I guarantee you’ll be a better woman for it, and so, by definition, a better mother!

CategoryChallenge Yourself, Letting go, Motherhood and Parenting | Comment2 Comments »

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June 3rd, 2010

The One Essential Dieting Gadget No Self Respecting Dieter Should Be Without!

by michelle

funky-popcorn-machine1

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu. ~Jane Wagner

I just bought a Popcorn Machine.  Two and a half weeks ago I embarked on a ‘healthy lifestyle’ eating plan – of my own design.  This was prompted by my teenage daughter wanting to lose weight and my absolute phobia about her becoming anorexic or bulimic on the one hand or obese on the other.  The other concern was that she would become obsessed with her weight as most women of my generation were brought up to be, bouncing from diet to diet, weight yo-yo-ing out of control!

I’m working on controlling calorie intake, exercising regularly and drinking plenty water.  I’ve had to rethink my entire ‘dieting’ psyche because going from starvation to pig out in under 24hrs just isn’t a good thing for a 14 year old.  I’ve spent literally hours researching food (which leads to phantom hunger pains) and then working out eating plans according to what we like to eat, what’s healthy, and how much we can have in order to fit into our individual calorie requirements.  This means I can still have a Johnny Walker or two.  Although at 52 calories per tot (25ml), I’ve had to substantially cut down on the drinking! – Healthy side effect No. 1.

We’ve made some relatively small changes, like eating breakfast every day, and having four small meals a day and a couple of snacks in between, instead of skipping breakfast, pigging out when hunger sets in at about 11am, and then holding out to dinner out of guilt.  I’ve had to fit into the fact that Isla has ‘school lunch’ and then eats again when she gets home.  Turns out this is actually recommended by many nutritionists – as if I didn’t know!  Now, I’m forced to do this as a good example, and because I’ve made a commitment to my daughter.

So far so good.  I lost 1.5kg in the first two weeks, and Isla lost 2kg!   We walk together most days (Healthy Side Effect No. 2 – Bonding Experience with Daughter), and are about to start a (very) mild exercise programme – also researched by yours truly since I hate gym and exercise has almost NEVER been  on my agenda, so I had to find something easy enough for me to stick to, while still effective enough to enhance health and weight loss.

During my research, I discovered all sorts of interesting things, pop corn being one of them.  Pop corn is very high in dietary fibre which is apparently key to weight loss.  This is because fibre makes you feel fuller for longer.   It is also essential in maintaining regular bowel health, preventing heart disease and certain cancers.  Popcorn is a great option for fibre because it also happens to be very low in calories!  Of course you have to give up the butter and limit the salt, but low sodium herb mixes work wonders.

Which brings me finally to the purchase of a pop corn machine… Air popped corn has half the calories of corn popped in oil, and substantially less than microwave pop corn, only 23 per cup – it also has NO cholesterol.

Now, I won’t go so far as to go on the popcorn diet, yes, there is actually a pop corn diet, as I also learned that eating an excessive amount of corn can block the absorption of vitamin B, which can result in anaemia, low energy levels, skin rashes, depression and short term memory loss.  And I thought that was the menopause!!  However, we will be snacking on popcorn regularly to curb the hunger pangs, or in my case, the oral fixation which leads me to drink too much whiskey, and keep you all updated on our progress towards a healthy lifestyle.

One more piece of popcorn trivia learned through my long hours of research.  According to the Pop Corn Board – I kid you not! – microwave heat was used for the first time on….pop corn!  Visit their web site, it’s really cute and very educational – those of you with small children check out the recipes page.

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June 1st, 2010

Why Is It Important to Try New Things?

by michelle

everest4

“If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always got.” ~ W.L. Bateman

This may seem like stating the obvious, but isn’t it amazing how many of us do the same things over and over and wonder why we keep getting the same results.  If you plant an acorn, you get an oak tree, no matter what you use to fertilise it or what you water it with. It’s all about perception. The way we behave, the way we think, even the way we feel is filtered through our own experiences.  And our experiences continue to be the same so long as we continue to do the same things.

Trying new things can be daunting.  Most of us feel secure in our comfort zones and do not like the unfamiliar. We’re afraid of the unknown, always anticipating the worst case scenario. But what about the benefits of trying new things?

  1. Trying new things forces us to be courageous.  Acts of courage inevitably lead to increased confidence, and confidence builds on self-esteem.
  2. Trying new things opens you up to possibility.  Possibility fires the imagination and can lead to a life lived more joyfully and expectantly.
  3. Trying new things keeps boredom at bay.  Boredom ensures that we remain stagnant with no possibility of development.
  4. Trying new things drives personal growth.  Doing the same things day in and day out, eating at the same restaurants, thinking the same thoughts, having the same old tired conversations requires only what we have learned until now.  Growth requires action, in the form of new situations, experiences or attitudes.

Our brains require challenges in order to remain stimulated.  It’s a medical fact that the older we get, the more our brains need to be active.  So instead of slowing down as we get older, we should be trying new things, learning new things, challenging our long held beliefs about the world and about ourselves.

Those of you who know my mother-in-law, Pam, know that she is a living example of how age is not an excuse to slow you down.  In the last year, in her 60’s, she has changed her work and entered into a new and exceptionally happy relationship.  She goes dancing every week, keeps her hand in with the sewing that was her career until a year ago, takes her grandchildren out shopping and never says no to a new experience.  She’s one of the most energetic women I know and continues to be an inspiration to me and to my children.

I am planning to re-launch this blog in the next couple of weeks in my continued effort to facilitate change in the lives of those around me as well as in my own.

Change is good.  Change is necessary in order to move forward.

What changes are YOU planning on making?

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April 27th, 2010

Some Things I’ve Learned Over the Last 45 Years…

by michelle

thinking

If you think you can do something you’re right. If you think you can’t do something you’re also right. ~Henry Ford
I’ve spent some time over the last couple of weeks on a sharp learning curve.  Part of the process required me to mind map my life and I got to thinking about what Oprah would call “Things I know for sure.”  Here are some of them…in no particular order.

1.  It’s OK to be different.
2.  Most people will not agree with you, that’s okay too.
3.  Your friends will love you  whether they agree with you or not.
4.  Don’t wait for agreement or support before you act, do it anyway.
5.  People will justify anything in an effort to prove themselves right.
6.  Little steps, consistently, are often easier than one huge leap.
7.  ”One day” is a myth, act now!
8.  You are good enough.  Give it a try, you’ll surprise yourself.
9.  Don’t define yourself by other people’s standards, define your own rules for success.
10.  Don’t let the school system brainwash you (or your children) into being average.  They will try.  Every step of the way.
11.  Society wants you to be average as well, but you have a choice to be exceptional.
12.  You will make mistakes. So what?
13.  It’s OK to feel sad.
14.  Passion can help you achieve amazing things.
15.  You can do a lot with just a little.
16.  Nothing is inconsequential.
17.  Never be afraid to ask for what you want.
18.  You are responsible for your own life, don’t blame others for your problems.
19.  Sing, even if you’re tone deaf, and dance with your two left feet!
20.  Just because everyone’s doing it doesn’t mean it’s right, make up your own mind.
21.  Learn to enjoy your own company, do things on your own, dinner, movies, holidays.
22.  Do what you love even if you don’t get paid for it.

    I’d love to hear some of the things you’ve learned.

    CategoryAccountability and responsibility, Personal Growth, attitude | CommentNo Comments »

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    April 11th, 2010

    Stop Trying To Keep Up. Hit the Delete Button!

    by michelle

    books

    Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.
    Gertrude Stein

    I spent yesterday in bed.  Doing nothing.  I surfed Facebook, read a little, but not much, and slept.  Blessed sleep.  Those of you who know me personally know that insomnia is something that haunts me, well, I slept most of the day yesterday and all of last night.  Truth be told, I could easily go right back to bed now.

    Granted, I have bronchitis, which brings me to the point of this post.   I wrote a while ago about the importance of doing nothing and then promptly went on to ignore my own advise.  There’s so much going on in my life right now, both personally and with the various work projects I’m involved in.   I ignored the sniffy nose and tickly throat that began three weeks ago and just continued working at an insane pace until I eventually went to see my doctor on Friday.  “You’re lucky I don’t just book you straight into the hospital!”  was his retort.

    Did I go straight home to bed?  Are you kidding me?  Who was going to pick up the kids from their various venues?  I filled my prescription – no less than four lots of medication, read the “may lead to drowsiness” label and shoved them into the bottom of my handbag.

    I picked up the kids, did the shopping and when I finally made it home, downed the drugs and collapsed into bed.  Which is where I stayed until this morning.  And I had an epiphany, or, if you prefer, an Oprah AHA moment.

    THERE IS NO WAY OF KEEPING UP WITH WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!

    That’s right.  It’s true.  Do you, like me, have a stack of books piled beside your bed, and on your desk, and possibly on the floor or the shelf behind your desk?  Do you have e-mails flagged to be read later?  I know you’ve subscribed to every magazine and newsletter in your chosen area of interest.  And things pile up and pile up.  What are the chances of you actually getting to read/follow up on everything?  You’ll eventually tidy up and toss 90% of it.  Face it.  You will NEVER be current with everything you believe you should be!

    What’s the solution?

    Well, my first step is to just accept it.  I’m not keeping up.  You’re not keeping up.  According to The Technium, information is the fastest growing quantity on the planet.  At an estimated growth rate of 66% per year, no-one is keeping up!

    So what do we do?

    Prioritising isn’t enough.

    1. Cut out the things that are redundant.  You really don’t need to read four magazines on your given field each month.
    2. Unsubscribe from the things that are cluttering your inbox.  Yes, all those e-mails that have been pushed into a “to read later” folder… delete them, but before you do, unsubscribe.
    3. Be realistic about what you are actually likely to do.  Think about what you actually need to know, what it would be nice to know, and what is really just unnecessary.
    4. And for goodness sake, when you have a sore throat and a runny nose, stay home.  In bed.  Take a nap.

    I’m off back to bed.  When If I get up later, I’ll begin deleting and unsubscribing…

    CategoryLetting go, Personal Growth | CommentNo Comments »

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    April 6th, 2010

    Appreciate the Abundance That Is Your Life!

    by michelle

    dmehu_1__Extreme_povertyI came across the following a few months ago and thought I’d share it here.  It’s certainly food for thought.

    If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep…
    you are richer than 75% of this world.

    If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, spare change in a dish someplace..,
    you are among the top 8% of the wealthy.

    If you woke up with more health than illness…
    you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

    If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation…
    you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

    If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death…
    you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

    If you can read this message…
    you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

    If you are able, hold someone’s hand, hug them, or even touch them on the shoulder… because you can offer a healing touch.

    As you read this and are reminded how life is in the rest of the world, remember just how blessed you really are!

    Author unknown

    So, even if it’s just for today, through all your trials and tribulations, hold your head up high, with a smile on your face and be truly thankful.  You are blessed.

    CategoryAccountability and responsibility, Personal Growth | Comment2 Comments »

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    March 18th, 2010

    11 Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees

    by michelle

    World War II propaganda poster encouraging women to work outside of the home - Courtesy of the Library of Congress

    World War II propaganda poster encouraging women to work outside of the home - Courtesy of the Library of Congress

    The history of men’s opposition to women’s emancipation is more interesting perhaps than the story of that emancipation itself. – Virginia Wolf

    In our struggle to move forward in any area, sometimes it’s a good thing to take a breath and have a look at where we’ve come from.  Fortunately a lot has changed over the last 67 years. :)

    The following is an article from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine, written for male supervisors of women in the work force during World War II.

    Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees:

    There’s no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage. Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:

    1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they’re less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn’t be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.
    2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.
    3. General experience indicates that “husky” girls – those who are just a little on the heavy side – are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.
    4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination – one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee- to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.
    5. Stress at the outset the importance of time; the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.
    6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.
    7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.
    8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.
    9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can’t shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman – it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.
    10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl’s husband or father may swear vociferously, she’ll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.
    11. Get enough size variety in operator’s uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can’t be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

    CategoryAccountability and responsibility | Comment2 Comments »

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